Attachment Style Assessment: Secure, Anxious, Avoidant & Fearful-Avoidant Patterns

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Adult attachment patterns influence how people experience closeness, trust, vulnerability, separation, conflict, reassurance, independence, and emotional intimacy. Rather than representing fixed personality types, attachment is increasingly understood along two major dimensions: attachment anxiety, which involves fear of abandonment or insufficient responsiveness, and attachment avoidance, which involves discomfort with dependence, emotional vulnerability, or closeness. This comprehensive assessment explores secure, anxious-preoccupied, dismissive-avoidant, and fearful-avoidant/disorganized relationship patterns while also examining developmental experiences, abandonment fears, shame, reassurance seeking, withdrawal, emotional shutdown, relationship triggers, and the ability to repair after conflict. The goal is not to label a person, but to identify recurring patterns that can become treatment targets and help strengthen more secure, flexible, and emotionally connected relationships.
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Adult Attachment • Trust • Intimacy • Abandonment • Avoidance • Repair

Comprehensive Attachment Style Assessment & Relationship Pattern Worksheet

Adult attachment describes patterns of expectation, emotion, and behavior that become especially visible when closeness, separation, rejection, dependence, conflict, or vulnerability activates the attachment system. This worksheet assesses secure, anxious-preoccupied, dismissive-avoidant, and fearful-avoidant/disorganized patterns while also estimating the underlying dimensions of attachment anxiety and attachment avoidance.

Mark Zauss, BC-TMC, LMHC, LPC, CCMHC, NCC, ASDCS, CCTP, CCTP II, NATC, ADHD-CCSP, C-DBT, C-PD
Original clinical and psychoeducational tool. Not a validated attachment instrument or stand-alone diagnostic assessment.

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How to interpret attachment: Adult attachment is best understood dimensionally. Attachment anxiety reflects worry about rejection, abandonment, or insufficient responsiveness. Attachment avoidance reflects discomfort with closeness, dependence, vulnerability, or emotional reliance. The four familiar styles can be understood as combinations of these dimensions.

1. Attachment Styles

Secure

Lower anxiety + lower avoidance. Comfortable with closeness, autonomy, direct communication, boundaries, support, and repair.

Anxious-Preoccupied

Higher anxiety + lower avoidance. Strong desire for closeness with heightened fear of abandonment, rejection, or changes in connection.

Dismissive-Avoidant

Lower anxiety + higher avoidance. Strong self-reliance, discomfort with dependency, minimization of emotional needs, and distancing under stress.

Fearful-Avoidant / Disorganized

Higher anxiety + higher avoidance. Closeness is desired but can also feel unsafe, exposing, or unpredictable, leading to pursuit-withdrawal patterns, shame, or shutdown.

Important: adoption, parental separation, caregiver alcohol misuse, trauma, or abandonment do not automatically determine attachment style. Attachment reflects the interaction of temperament, caregiving, developmental experiences, later relationships, trauma, and corrective experiences, and it can change over time.

2. Context

Name / initialsDateRelationship being consideredCurrent romantic relationshipPast romantic relationships generallyClose relationships generallyFamily relationshipsOther

Current relationship stress012345678910Main relationship concern

3. Attachment Assessment

Rate each statement based on your typical pattern in emotionally important relationships.

Secure Attachment

0 / 48

1. I can be emotionally close without feeling I will lose myself.

0 Never

1 Rarely

2 Sometimes

3 Often

4 Very Often

2. I can depend on people I trust and allow them to depend on me.

0 Never

1 Rarely

2 Sometimes

3 Often

4 Very Often

3. I can express needs directly without excessive fear of rejection.

0 Never

1 Rarely

2 Sometimes

3 Often

4 Very Often

4. I can tolerate disagreement without assuming the relationship is ending.

0 Never

1 Rarely

2 Sometimes

3 Often

4 Very Often

5. I can give a partner space without immediately fearing abandonment.

0 Never

1 Rarely

2 Sometimes

3 Often

4 Very Often

6. I can receive reassurance without needing it repeatedly.

0 Never

1 Rarely

2 Sometimes

3 Often

4 Very Often

7. I can acknowledge mistakes without becoming overwhelmed by shame.

0 Never

1 Rarely

2 Sometimes

3 Often

4 Very Often

8. I can remain emotionally present during difficult conversations.

0 Never

1 Rarely

2 Sometimes

3 Often

4 Very Often

9. I generally believe healthy relationships can survive conflict and repair.

0 Never

1 Rarely

2 Sometimes

3 Often

4 Very Often

10. I can set boundaries without feeling intensely guilty.

0 Never

1 Rarely

2 Sometimes

3 Often

4 Very Often

11. I can ask for support when I need it.

0 Never

1 Rarely

2 Sometimes

3 Often

4 Very Often

12. After conflict, I can usually return to connection without prolonged withdrawal or panic.

0 Never

1 Rarely

2 Sometimes

3 Often

4 Very Often

Anxious-Preoccupied Attachment

0 / 48

1. I worry that people I love will lose interest in me or leave.

0 Never

1 Rarely

2 Sometimes

3 Often

4 Very Often

2. I notice small changes in tone, texting, or availability and worry they mean something is wrong.

0 Never

1 Rarely

2 Sometimes

3 Often

4 Very Often

3. I need frequent reassurance that the relationship is okay.

0 Never

1 Rarely

2 Sometimes

3 Often

4 Very Often

4. When someone becomes distant, I feel a strong urge to restore closeness immediately.

0 Never

1 Rarely

2 Sometimes

3 Often

4 Very Often

5. I sometimes overcommit, overexplain, or people-please because I fear disappointing someone.

0 Never

1 Rarely

2 Sometimes

3 Often

4 Very Often

6. I can become preoccupied with whether another person truly cares about me.

0 Never

1 Rarely

2 Sometimes

3 Often

4 Very Often

7. I have difficulty tolerating uncertainty in close relationships.

0 Never

1 Rarely

2 Sometimes

3 Often

4 Very Often

8. I may repeatedly check, text, ask questions, or seek confirmation when I feel insecure.

0 Never

1 Rarely

2 Sometimes

3 Often

4 Very Often

9. Conflict can make me fear that the entire relationship is in danger.

0 Never

1 Rarely

2 Sometimes

3 Often

4 Very Often

10. I sometimes put another person’s needs ahead of my own to avoid rejection.

0 Never

1 Rarely

2 Sometimes

3 Often

4 Very Often

11. I can become jealous or highly sensitive to signs that someone else is receiving more attention.

0 Never

1 Rarely

2 Sometimes

3 Often

4 Very Often

12. My sense of security can depend heavily on how connected I feel to another person that day.

0 Never

1 Rarely

2 Sometimes

3 Often

4 Very Often

Dismissive-Avoidant Attachment

0 / 48

1. I am uncomfortable depending on other people emotionally.

0 Never

1 Rarely

2 Sometimes

3 Often

4 Very Often

2. I prefer to handle distress on my own rather than ask for support.

0 Never

1 Rarely

2 Sometimes

3 Often

4 Very Often

3. I tend to pull away when someone wants more emotional closeness than I do.

0 Never

1 Rarely

2 Sometimes

3 Often

4 Very Often

4. I can feel trapped or pressured when another person needs frequent reassurance.

0 Never

1 Rarely

2 Sometimes

3 Often

4 Very Often

5. I often minimize my own emotional needs.

0 Never

1 Rarely

2 Sometimes

3 Often

4 Very Often

6. I prefer independence even when greater closeness might be helpful.

0 Never

1 Rarely

2 Sometimes

3 Often

4 Very Often

7. During conflict, I may shut down, disengage, or stop responding.

0 Never

1 Rarely

2 Sometimes

3 Often

4 Very Often

8. I sometimes avoid discussing feelings because emotional conversations feel intrusive or exhausting.

0 Never

1 Rarely

2 Sometimes

3 Often

4 Very Often

9. I am uncomfortable when another person depends heavily on me.

0 Never

1 Rarely

2 Sometimes

3 Often

4 Very Often

10. I may convince myself that a relationship is less important when I feel hurt or disappointed.

0 Never

1 Rarely

2 Sometimes

3 Often

4 Very Often

11. I tend to suppress vulnerable feelings rather than share them.

0 Never

1 Rarely

2 Sometimes

3 Often

4 Very Often

12. I may create distance after intense intimacy or emotional closeness.

0 Never

1 Rarely

2 Sometimes

3 Often

4 Very Often

Fearful-Avoidant / Disorganized Attachment Pattern

0 / 48

1. I want closeness but can become afraid, overwhelmed, or distrustful when I actually receive it.

0 Never

1 Rarely

2 Sometimes

3 Often

4 Very Often

2. I may move toward someone for reassurance and then suddenly pull away.

0 Never

1 Rarely

2 Sometimes

3 Often

4 Very Often

3. I fear abandonment but also fear being hurt, controlled, or exposed in close relationships.

0 Never

1 Rarely

2 Sometimes

3 Often

4 Very Often

4. When I feel ashamed, I may shut down, hide, disappear, or avoid the person involved.

0 Never

1 Rarely

2 Sometimes

3 Often

4 Very Often

5. I sometimes conceal mistakes or tell partial truths because I am afraid of another person’s reaction.

0 Never

1 Rarely

2 Sometimes

3 Often

4 Very Often

6. I can feel emotionally numb or detached during intense relationship conflict.

0 Never

1 Rarely

2 Sometimes

3 Often

4 Very Often

7. I may alternate between strongly needing someone and wanting to be left alone.

0 Never

1 Rarely

2 Sometimes

3 Often

4 Very Often

8. I sometimes test relationships, expect rejection, or assume closeness will eventually lead to pain.

0 Never

1 Rarely

2 Sometimes

3 Often

4 Very Often

9. I have difficulty trusting that people can remain caring and safe when they are disappointed with me.

0 Never

1 Rarely

2 Sometimes

3 Often

4 Very Often

10. I may become overwhelmed by vulnerability even when I deeply want emotional intimacy.

0 Never

1 Rarely

2 Sometimes

3 Often

4 Very Often

11. My relationship reactions can feel contradictory, intense, or difficult for me to understand.

0 Never

1 Rarely

2 Sometimes

3 Often

4 Very Often

12. When attachment fears are triggered, I may experience panic, shame, withdrawal, dissociation, or impulsive efforts to restore connection.

0 Never

1 Rarely

2 Sometimes

3 Often

4 Very Often

4. Developmental & Relationship Context

Early separation from a primary caregiver Adoption, foster care, or major caregiver transition Caregiver alcohol/substance misuse Caregiver mental-health instability Parental separation/divorce Death or prolonged absence of a caregiver Emotional neglect or inconsistent responsiveness Frequent criticism, humiliation, or shame Domestic conflict or frightening behavior in the home Unpredictable caregiving Repeated abandonment, betrayal, or unstable adult relationships Other significant attachment or relational trauma

Early caregiving / adoption / separation historyWhat happened when you were upset as a child?What happened when caregivers were angry or disappointed?

5. Triggers & Protective Behaviors

Common triggers

What do you fear will happen?

What do you do when activated?

What helps you return to a secure state?

6. Scores

Calculate Attachment Profile

Attachment Anxiety

0%

Attachment Avoidance

0%

Likely Pattern

--

Highest Style Score

--

Completed Items

0 / 48

7. AI-Style Summary

No summary generated yet.

8. Moving Toward Secure Attachment

Recognize Activation

Notice abandonment fear, shutdown, shame, panic, anger, numbness, or reassurance seeking early.

Pause Before Protecting

Identify whether the automatic response is pursuit, checking, pleasing, arguing, withdrawal, hiding, or minimizing.

Name the Need

Clarify whether the need is reassurance, space, safety, autonomy, validation, repair, or connection.

Communicate Directly

Replace indirect tests, disappearing, overpromising, or repeated reassurance with a direct request.

Tolerate Discomfort

Secure functioning includes tolerating uncertainty, disagreement, disappointment, and separateness.

Repair

Return after conflict, acknowledge impact, take responsibility, clarify, and reconnect.

9. Treatment Planning

Attachment behavior I most want to change

Secure behavior I want to practice

How I will communicate when activated

Repair skill for this week

10. Differential Considerations

Possible overlap	May look like attachment activation	Clinical distinction
ADHD / executive dysfunction	Missed texts, forgotten commitments, impulsive speech	May reflect working-memory, inhibition, or time-management problems rather than fear of closeness or abandonment.
Trauma / PTSD	Hypervigilance, shutdown, mistrust, dissociation	Trauma responses can overlap with fearful-avoidant patterns but require trauma-specific assessment.
Depression	Withdrawal, low responsiveness, reduced intimacy	Low energy and anhedonia can mimic interpersonal avoidance.
Anxiety / OCD	Reassurance seeking, checking, doubt	Intolerance of uncertainty or compulsions may drive the behavior.
Autism / overload	Need for space, shutdown, reduced verbal communication	Processing differences or sensory overload should not automatically be labeled avoidant attachment.

Disclaimer: This worksheet is an original psychoeducational and clinical formulation tool. It is not the ECR-R, Adult Attachment Interview, or another validated attachment instrument. It does not diagnose Reactive Attachment Disorder, Disinhibited Social Engagement Disorder, PTSD, personality disorders, or any other condition. Adult attachment patterns are dimensional, relationship-sensitive, and capable of change.

Clinical References

1. Bowlby, J. (1969/1982). Attachment and loss: Vol. 1. Attachment (2nd ed.). Basic Books.
2. Ainsworth, M. D. S., Blehar, M. C., Waters, E., & Wall, S. (1978). Patterns of attachment. Erlbaum.
3. Bartholomew, K., & Horowitz, L. M. (1991). Attachment styles among young adults: A test of a four-category model. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 61(2), 226–244.
4. Brennan, K. A., Clark, C. L., & Shaver, P. R. (1998). Self-report measurement of adult attachment. In Attachment theory and close relationships. Guilford Press.
5. Fraley, R. C., Waller, N. G., & Brennan, K. A. (2000). An item response theory analysis of self-report measures of adult attachment. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 78(2), 350–365.
6. Simpson, J. A., & Rholes, W. S. (2017). Adult attachment, stress, and romantic relationships. Current Opinion in Psychology, 13, 19–24.
7. Ravitz, P., Maunder, R., Hunter, J., Sthankiya, B., & Lancee, W. (2010). Adult attachment measures: A 25-year review. Journal of Psychosomatic Research, 69(4), 419–432.
8. Paetzold, R. L., Rholes, W. S., & Kohn, J. L. (2023). A systematic review of measures of adult disorganized attachment. British Journal of Clinical Psychology.

Mark Zauss, BC-TMC, LMHC, LPC, CCMHC, NCC, ASDCS, CCTP, CCTP II, NATC, ADHD-CCSP, C-DBT, C-PD
Interpret attachment in the context of developmental history, current relationships, trauma, neurodevelopmental factors, mood, anxiety, culture, and the person's own experience.