Stages of a narcacisstic relationship?

After learning more about Narcicissitic Personality Disorder (NPD), You'll discover that you’re Not the Problem" Narcissists often make their victims feel crazy, unworthy, or responsible for the abuse. The truth is, it’s not about you—it’s about their disorder. Recognizing their pathology is the first step toward reclaiming your power.
A narcissistic relationship typically follows a three-stage cycle: Idealization, Devaluation, and Discard. These stages keep the victim emotionally hooked and trapped in a pattern of manipulation and abuse. In some cases, there is also a fourth stage, Hoovering, where the narcissist tries to pull the victim back into the relationship.

1. Idealization Stage ("Love Bombing")This is the stage where the narcissist puts on a perfect mask and showers their partner with love, attention, and admiration.
What Happens:
  • They charm and seduce you with excessive flattery, gifts, and affection.
  • They make you feel like you’ve met your “soulmate” and that no one has ever understood you like they do.
  • They mirror your interests, values, and desires to create a false sense of deep connection.
  • They rush the relationship with declarations of love, commitment, or even discussions of marriage early on.
  • They build trust quickly, making you feel emotionally safe and dependent on them.
🔹 Why They Do It: To create emotional dependence and gain control over you.

2. Devaluation Stage ("Walking on Eggshells")Once they feel you are emotionally invested, the narcissist gradually withdraws their affection and starts to undermine you.
What Happens:
  • They become cold, distant, and critical, making you feel like you've done something wrong.
  • They start gaslighting (manipulating your perception of reality) to make you doubt yourself.
  • They use silent treatment, guilt-tripping, or passive-aggression to punish you for minor things.
  • They create triangulation by comparing you to others (ex-partners, friends, coworkers) to make you feel insecure.
  • They blame you for their unhappiness, saying “You’ve changed,” or “I don’t feel the same about you anymore.”
Links - 
All assessments are free and will be sent to Mark. You'll receive a return email with comments or concerns. 
Narcissistic Personality Disorder education:
The Pathology of Narcissism
​Covert Narcissistic Traits
Brain Venn Diagram 

Narcissistic Partner Traits and assessments:
Narcissistic Red Flag Checklist
Partner Narcissistic Traits Assessment
Short Assessment - Identify the Narcissistic partner traits
1) Narcissistic Relationship Assessment
2) Narcissistic Relationship Assessment

Trauma information and assessments:
Trauma Education
ACE - Adverse Childhood Experiences 
The Dissociative Experiences Scale-II (DES-II)
Atypical PTSD Checklist
Super Traits
Cognitive Dissonance Checklist 
​
Narcissistic Personality Disorder assessments
Narcissistic Personality Inventory - NPI
Hypersensitive Narcissism Scale (HSNS)
🔹 Why They Do It: To break your self-esteem and make you crave their validation, giving them full control over you.

3. Discard Stage ("Sudden Abandonment")When the narcissist no longer finds you useful, or if you start to stand up for yourself, they discard you without warning.
What Happens:
  • They end the relationship abruptly or push you to leave.
  • They act indifferent, cruel, or unemotional, as if you never mattered.
  • They may quickly replace you with a new partner (this is called "monkey-branching").
  • They may publicly smear your reputation or twist the story to make themselves the victim.
  • They leave you feeling confused, broken, and desperate for closure—but they rarely give it.
🔹 Why They Do It: To maintain their superiority and avoid accountability.

4. Hoovering Stage ("Pulling You Back In")If they feel they can still control you, the narcissist may try to "hoover" (suck) you back into the cycle.
What Happens:
  • They send messages like “I miss you” or “I’ve changed” to test if you’ll respond.
  • They act as if they regret everything and promise to be different.
  • They try to trigger guilt, saying things like “I can’t live without you” or “You’re the only one who understands me.”
  • They may fake emergencies or claim they need help to get your attention.
🔹 Why They Do It: To regain control, not because they genuinely love or miss you.

How to Break the Cycle✔ Recognize the manipulation tactics they use.
✔ Set firm boundaries and go "No Contact" if possible.
✔ Seek therapy or support groups to rebuild self-worth.
✔ Educate yourself on narcissistic abuse and emotional healing.
Would you like help identifying red flags or strategies for moving forward? ​

Mark's education in Narcissistic abuse was from a training and educational and educational resources from Dr. Sandra Brown - an esteemed expert in this field. 

Dr. Sandra L. Brown’s Contributions to Narcissistic Abuse Treatment
​Dr. Sandra L. Brown is a leading expert in the field of narcissistic and psychopathic abuse recovery. She has made significant contributions to understanding the neurological and psychological effects of narcissistic abuse, particularly on survivors with high empathy and "super traits."
Key Contributions1. The Concept of “Super Traits” and Vulnerability to Narcissistic Abuse
  • Dr. Brown identified that survivors of narcissistic abuse often have high empathy, loyalty, resilience, and conscientiousness—traits that are generally positive but can make them more vulnerable to narcissists.
  • These “super traits” keep survivors trapped in abusive relationships, as they tend to believe in the narcissist’s potential for change and blame themselves for the abuse.
2. The Neurological Impact of Narcissistic Abuse
  • She has researched the long-term brain effects of narcissistic abuse, showing how repeated psychological trauma can cause PTSD, Complex PTSD (C-PTSD), and changes in brain function.
  • Her Brain Venn Diagram illustrates how the narcissist’s predatory traits interact with the survivor’s brain, creating a trauma bond.
3. The Role of Cognitive Dissonance in Narcissistic Abuse
  • Survivors struggle with cognitive dissonance, a psychological conflict where they hold two opposing beliefs:
    • "This person loves me."
    • "This person is hurting me."
  • This mental battle keeps survivors stuck in the relationship because they can’t reconcile the narcissist’s occasional kindness with their abuse.
  • Dr. Brown helps survivors break free by recognizing that the narcissist’s "good side" is a manipulation strategy, not genuine change.
4. The First “Pathological Love Relationship” Model
  • Dr. Brown coined the term "Pathological Love Relationships" (PLRs) to describe relationships with narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths.
  • She educates survivors about the biological and psychological effects of these toxic relationships, emphasizing that these are not normal breakups—they cause neurological trauma.
5. Survivor-Specific Trauma Recovery StrategiesHer approach to healing includes:
  • Education – Teaching survivors about the neuroscience of trauma bonding and why it’s hard to leave.
  • Breaking the Trauma Bond – Helping survivors recognize that they’re addicted to the cycle of abuse and reward (similar to addiction to substances).
  • Nervous System Regulation – Using trauma-informed therapy to calm the hypervigilance caused by abuse.
  • Super Trait Management – Teaching survivors how to retain their positive traits while setting firm boundaries to prevent future abuse.
Books and ResourcesDr. Brown’s books include:
  • “Women Who Love Psychopaths” – Explains the science behind why some individuals attract narcissists and psychopaths.
  • “How to Spot a Dangerous Man” – Guides women on identifying early warning signs of narcissistic and psychopathic relationships.
Why Her Work Is Important
  • Unlike traditional therapy, which often fails to address the unique trauma of narcissistic abuse, Dr. Brown’s approach is neurologically and behaviorally based, helping survivors understand their brain chemistry, trauma bonding, and super traits.
  • She destigmatizes survivor experiences, emphasizing that they were targeted because of their positive qualities, not because they were weak.